A Big Thank You!

I cannot believe that we are getting so close to the end of this journey! Each of these classes seem to go by faster and faster…I have learned so much over these past 8 weeks, thanks in part to having such wonderful classmates. Thank you all so much for all of the insights you have shared with me and the support you have given me, I am so thankful to have such amazing colleagues!

Aside from giving my colleagues a big thank you, I wish that the knowledge we gain will help us enrich the lives of the children and families we work with. I hope that the knowledge we have gained will also help us grow professionally and that we can use it and the resources we have found to help us strengthen our programs, foster healthy development in all children, and be successful professionals in our field.

I am looking forward to moving into the specialization courses and hope that I will be in the same classes as many of you and we can continue to share resources, ideas, and knowledge. I would love to keep in touch, you can find me on Facebook or e-mail me through the Walden University class e-mail and I will give you my personal e-mail address.  Best of luck to everyone!!

The Adjourning Phase

Adjourning is the process of saying goodbye, of leaving a group or team of people that you have grown to trust and respect. When we start out in a team, we often don’t know others very well; we go through the introductory or forming stage, and then move on through the other stages of group development (storming, norming, and performing) until it is time for the group to adjourn.

In some situations saying goodbye is easier than others; groups with high-performance and clearly established norms are more difficult to leave than others because they have often made it through all of the stages of group development while some adjourn before really working together. A high-performing group or one with established norms is more likely to have built up trust, respect, and camaraderie with each other-they have worked with each other and therefore may find it harder to adjourn than a group that has not been productive, has been engaged in conflict, or has no trust among its members.

The hardest group that I have left was a group that worked well together-even though our performance wasn’t necessarily the best we became close to each other, had established trust and friendship, and knew and performed our tasks well. We often met outside of our group meeting times and had lunch and discussed things other than our group work; it was fun and we enjoyed each other’s company. This group was a small study group for one of my undergraduate classes-myself and two others-and when the class ended we had a celebratory dinner and vowed to keep in touch. We still talk sometimes but without the bond of the group we are not as close as we once were.

To be honest, I had not really thought about adjourning from this group of colleagues at Walden University and now that I think about it, it makes me sad! I feel that over this past year I have really gotten to know some of my colleagues and enjoy discussing things with them, hearing their perspectives, and receiving their support. When this program is over, I will miss my colleagues even though we have never actually met in person. Hopefully part of our adjourning process will be exchanging contact information because I hope that we will remain in touch and continue to share our ideas and experiences with each other!

I think that adjourning is a necessary stage of teamwork because it gives closure to a project or goal and allows us to move forward. Working with familiar team members is great, but working with new teams and new people can help us grow even more. I think that without the adjourning process we would not really able to do this and so, as sad as it is, we must adjourn and move on. Hopefully we will take what we have learned from our past teams and use these experiences to better our future team/group skills!  

Conflict Resolution

"You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist." – Indira Gandhi

Unfortunately, I experience communication conflicts often with my son’s father (we have been separated since shortly after Jack’s birth); as of now we hardly ever speak to each other and most of our communication is done via email. This saddens me because I wish that we could put our differences aside and focus on what we have that connects us-our son, Jack.

Two strategies that I have learned that have helped me resolve some of the conflicts between us are: (1) knowing when to change the mode of communication-or even leave the conversation for later-and (2) to leave anything that can be perceived as criticism or judgment aside. I have learned that rather than continuing a discussion when he clearly does not agree or want to talk is not effective; now when he shuts down I ask him if he would like to email me or discuss the issue later. This seems to help as it can give us time to think about what we want to say and time for us to cool down and communicate with less anger. The second strategy I found helps me to communicate better with him is to make my statements very neutral and focused on Jack rather than us; I try to stick just to the issue that we are discussing and  try to leave my opinions out and use words that are not accusatory or negative. This strategy also seems to help because I am trying to respect his opinions as Jack’s father rather than putting him on the defense. Ultimately, what I have learned is that I cannot keep going back to what was said or done in the past; I must be able to be open to communicating with him and be willing to accept his perspectives if I want to establish any positive communication interactions with him. Although it has been hard, I have been trying to look at things from his perspective and understand where he is coming from.

Sadly, our communication situation is less than ideal. I would love to be able to discuss parenting issues with him as he does play a role in our son’s life but he has made it clear that he does not wish to talk to me. I am glad to learn about new conflict resolution strategies and nonviolent communication skills but my main problem is how I can effectively communicate with someone who has made it clear he does not want to communicate with me.  I think that this problem can be found in other situations too, including some in the early childhood field such as when parents (or teachers) do not wish to discuss certain topics that may be important…Does anyone have any ideas on how to effectively communicate with someone who does not wish to communicate or who is not reciprocating?

Who Am I as a Communicator?

This week, I evaluated myself as a communicator and then asked two other people (one a family member and one a colleague) to evaluate me as well. I was a little surprised that their results were very similar but I my personal results showed that I feel I have elevated communication anxiety and am moderately verbally aggressive. However, my mother and coworker both said that I had moderate communication anxiety and although their results also said I was moderately verbally aggressive their result numbers were slightly lower than mine. I thought that this was interesting because I feel that when I communicate my emotions show-I think I appear very nervous when speaking publicly and I feel that people know when I am not happy with them. However, the two people I asked to evaluate me did not appear to think so. I think that maybe I am more critical of myself sometimes!  Both my coworker and family member said that I was a people-oriented listener and this is how I evaluated myself as well. I was glad that these results were consistent because I consider myself to be a good listener and am happy that others view me in the same way.

One of the main insights that I learned about communication this week is that whenever we communicate with someone, whether it be verbally or nonverbally, we are presenting ourselves to them. Just as we form perceptions about them, they are forming them about us. I think that this is important to remember as a professional because we want to be effective communicators and respect the children and families that we work with. Another insight that I found to be surprising was that people-oriented listeners can be too trusting of others sometimes. After reading this and thinking about it I realized that this description fit me and that my listening style may influence my perceptions and judgments of others; our listening style is an important part of our communication style and how we perceive ourselves and communicate with others.