Who Am I as a Communicator?

This week, I evaluated myself as a communicator and then asked two other people (one a family member and one a colleague) to evaluate me as well. I was a little surprised that their results were very similar but I my personal results showed that I feel I have elevated communication anxiety and am moderately verbally aggressive. However, my mother and coworker both said that I had moderate communication anxiety and although their results also said I was moderately verbally aggressive their result numbers were slightly lower than mine. I thought that this was interesting because I feel that when I communicate my emotions show-I think I appear very nervous when speaking publicly and I feel that people know when I am not happy with them. However, the two people I asked to evaluate me did not appear to think so. I think that maybe I am more critical of myself sometimes!  Both my coworker and family member said that I was a people-oriented listener and this is how I evaluated myself as well. I was glad that these results were consistent because I consider myself to be a good listener and am happy that others view me in the same way.

One of the main insights that I learned about communication this week is that whenever we communicate with someone, whether it be verbally or nonverbally, we are presenting ourselves to them. Just as we form perceptions about them, they are forming them about us. I think that this is important to remember as a professional because we want to be effective communicators and respect the children and families that we work with. Another insight that I found to be surprising was that people-oriented listeners can be too trusting of others sometimes. After reading this and thinking about it I realized that this description fit me and that my listening style may influence my perceptions and judgments of others; our listening style is an important part of our communication style and how we perceive ourselves and communicate with others.

Diversity and Communication

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” –Anthony Robbins

Culture and diversity are complex issues that go beyond what we see on the surface. Our culture influences our daily interactions, beliefs, and perceptions of the world-which in turn, influences our communication, including communication styles and nonverbal cues. Throughout our day we encounter many people: our family, neighbors, colleagues, children and their families, store clerks, etc. Although we may share some similarities with some of these people, there is also a lot of diversity, whether it be in ethnicity, religion, politics, sexual orientation, abilities, age, etc.

Thinking about my interactions with the different people I encounter throughout the day made me realize that I do communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures and do not even realize that I am acting differently.

When I am at work, I speak more formally and do not share as much personal information with my colleagues as I do with my friends and family. When I am with my friends I use more slang and we have many shared experiences that we refer to. When I speak to the parents of my students I try to choose my words carefully and smile a lot. When I speak with families who do not speak a lot of English I tend to use more hand gestures to explain things more clearly (although when I think about it now, most of my hand gestures probably do not make much sense!).  Throughout the day I communicate in many different ways without even consciously thinking about them.

I think that I could become a more effective communicator with my colleagues, friends, and families that I work with if I:

1. Use more people-oriented listening skills and try to be a more empathetic listener. I think that this will help me better understand other people and will show them that I care about what they are saying.

2. Watch and listen carefully to those I am communicating with so that I can pick up on any nonverbal cues and the speakers’ communication styles. This can help me accommodate to other speaking styles and help prevent communication failures.

3. Remember that my personal reality and perceptions are not the only ones out there. Even though I may share similarities with some people I interact with, we also have our differences as well. Taking our diversity into account and respecting everyone’s beliefs, opinions, perspectives, and realities will help me be a more respectful communicator and can open my eyes (and ears!) to new opportunities and learning experiences.

Communication In Action

Nonverbal cues are an important part of communication, but they can very easily be misinterpreted. I found this out when I watched a show I had never seen before, “Up All Night,” first without sound and then with sound. I was able to figure out some things with nonverbal cues while watching without sound but others were a bit harder. Here is a bit about my experience:

Without Sound:

-I assumed that two of the main characters were in a romantic relationship because of these nonverbal cues: wedding rings, closeness in proximity (sitting next to each other), touching (hugging, kisses), and sharing a bed.

-I assumed that when the female main character went into work she was meeting with her boss because the other employees appeared to be intimidated by her (quick nods, small smiles, backing away). After the main character sat down, talked on the phone and then spoke with another employee using cues such as raising her eyebrows and putting her hands on her hips I began to think that maybe she was the boss.

-The feelings that I saw expressed through nonverbal cues were: anxiety (shaking of the legs, frowning, using flustered-looking hand gestures), anger (waving hands, frowning, throwing arms up), happiness (smiling, hugging, laughing).

With Sound:

-The show started with the couple waiting for a pregnancy test result and they had appeared to be nervous and anxious; although I assumed that they were married I had thought that they were a newlywed couple. However, when watching with the sound on, I learned that they were celebrating their 7^th wedding anniversary and had been together for a long time.

-When the office scene appeared, I learned that my first assumption about who was boss was correct but that the two female characters were also friends and acted with almost equal authority in the workplace. 

-I had assumed that the female character and male character had their routine established; however, the episode I watched was the female’s first day back at work and the male’s first day as a stay-at-home dad so their routine was actually a new one and they were dealing with the recent changes to their routine.

I think that my assumptions would have been more correct if this was a show that I typically watched because the interactions between the characters would have been easier to interpret; when watching the show with the sound on I was surprised at how far from the plot I was. While I had some of the relationships right, I was wrong about a lot of the contexts and situations. One of my biggest “aha” moments was realizing that I had missed a lot of things because I assumed that the nonverbal behavior would be a substitute for verbal communication but this was a comedy and a lot of the nonverbal cues were sarcastic and had more of a comedic effect when seen with sound. If I watched this show regularly, or even again, I think I would be able to interpret the nonverbal cues a little bit better.

This exercise really opened my eyes to how much importance context and communication are. Just having a glimpse of something with no background knowledge led me to make some assumptions based off of my own perceptions and I learned that nonverbal cues really are ambiguous and can be hard to accurately interpret! 

A Great Communicator

When thinking of someone who is a competent communicator, Maya Angelou was the first person who popped into my head. There are many contexts in which someone can be a competent communicator; Maya Angelou is effective both as a writer and as a speaker.

Maya Angelou not only has powerful writing/poetry, but she is a wonderful speaker. I had the honor of attending an event at which she spoke at and was amazed at her eloquence, confidence, and the beauty of her words.  I think that Maya Angelou is an effective communicator because she understands and uses the power of words, choosing them carefully to send her messages. At the same time, she speaks clearly and confidently; listening to her is amazing.

I am a shy and quiet person, I often fumble trying to find the right word and dread speaking in front of a lot of people… I would love to have the confidence and grace that Maya Angelou does when communicating with others!

Professional Hopes and Goals

When I think about working with children and families from diverse backgrounds, the main hope that I have is that my colleagues and I will be able to build a strong relationship with every family and help all the children we work with reach their full developmental potential. I hope that I will continue to grow as a teacher and practice anti-bias education to help build a strong foundation that will help children embrace diversity and develop positive self-identities.

One goal that I would like to set forth for the early childhood field is for us as educators to continue to grow and work towards bettering ourselves and our field. I would love to see more trainings available, especially ones that focus on diversity issues such as equity and social justice; these topics are so relevant in today’s society and deserve more attention!

I would also like to say thank you to my colleagues for sharing their insights and perspectives, providing support, and helping me grow personally and professionally; I have learned so much from you and am looking forward to continuing this journey and learning more with you! Thank you!

Welcoming Families From Around the World

If I were to welcome a family to my preschool from Iceland, a country that I know nothing about, I would first need to prepare myself and my students so that we could be more receptive and culturally responsive. To do this, I would:

1. Research: I would find out more general information about Iceland, the people living there, the housing, food, religion, and languages spoken to get an idea of what I might expect. I would have to keep in mind that this family may not follow any of these generalities so I cannot make assumptions. However, I think that learning more about the country would give me some background knowledge and sharing what I have learned with my students would be a great way to help them learn more about another country and see that people around the world do things differently and that that’s ok. In addition to this, I would do some research on the deep culture of Iceland, such as the typical gender roles, roles of the child, school system, relationships, and interactions. It would be important for me to keep in mind that the family joining my program may not fit what I read and so I would have to make sure that I didn’t make any preemptive assumptions about them and their ways, beliefs, and values.

2. Learn: I would learn a few essential and basic Icelandic words, such as hello, toilet, hungry, etc. and practice them with my students. Showing the new student and her family that we want to communicate with them and are interested in learning about their language can help get us off to a good start. Learning these words would also help me communicate with the child and better meet her needs.

3. Ask Questions: I would like to set up a conference with the parent(s) to find out more about them, their family, their child, their needs, and their goals for the child. At this point, I could also ask them any questions that I had about their child or culture so that I could better my understanding. Emailing them before they start the preschool could serve as a welcome as well as a way for me to ask them questions and for them to ask me questions and address any concerns.

4. Find Materials: I would try and find some Icelandic children’s music and play it in the classroom for the students to listen to. I would also try to find some books in Icelandic and incorporate them into the classroom library. This could also help the student feel more welcome and give her something familiar as well as something fun for all of the students to learn from and engage in.

5. Use Resources: I know nothing about Iceland nor do I know anyone from Iceland or with any connection to it. However, I would try to locate a local Icelandic group in the community (if there is one) and ask them questions to help better my understanding. Having someone as a resource could help provide me with more information about the deep culture of Iceland and this group/person could also be a resource that I could pass on to the family. 

Ultimately, to be culturally responsive, I must be willing to be flexible and adapt my practices. The child and family may do things completely opposite from what I am used to but doing the above five things can help prepare me or at least open my mind to new ideas and possibilities. Hopefully my effort will make the family feel welcome and willing to share aspects of their culture with me and the class. Being willing to work with the family, learn from them, and incorporate what I have learned into the classroom will not only help them feel valued but will help the child feel welcomed and safe.   

Side Note: After thinking about this assignment and realizing that I know absolutely nothing about Iceland, I was actually curious to find out more about the Icelandic culture and I ended up learning some interesting things after skimming through some information on Iceland.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

My parents are not religious and did not take me and my siblings to church but encouraged us to decide for ourselves what we believed in. However, I grew up in a predominately Catholic community and almost all of my friends attended church and religious events. As a child, I just thought that I was different because I did not go to these things with them and did not give it much thought. This changed when I was around 5 and one of my best friends began telling me some of the things that her and her family believed in, such as Heaven and Hell. I told her that I did not know about this and she was surprised but we kept playing. The next day when I knocked on her door, her mom answered and said that she could not play with me. She then stepped outside and told me that my family and I were going to burn in Hell unless we started attending church. I was scared and could not say anything back. She looked at me one last time and said, “My child cannot play with a sinner like you,” walked inside and closed the door. At the time, being so young, I did not really understand what she was saying or what she meant but I was terrified. I did not want my family to burn, I did not want to be a sinner, and I wanted to play with my friend. Unfortunately, this was not the last time that I had a negative experience when someone found out that I am agnostic.

The main feeling that I had when I experienced this as a child was confusion; I did not understand how someone could be so mean to me and tell me that my family would burn in Hell. As I grew older, I was sad when people would make assumptions about me when they found out that I was not religious. Most of the time it is easy to not discuss my religious beliefs and a lot of times this is not an issue for me. I respect other people’s religions; I bow my head when others pray, I smile when people say “God bless you,” but I do sometimes feel as though I am on the outside and am offended when people try to push their religions on me. When I was pregnant, a lady on the street stopped me and after talking to her for a few minutes about my pregnancy, she asked me if she could pray with me. I told her no thank you and she grabbed my hand and asked why I didn’t want to pray for my baby. I told her I am not religious and she quickly grabbed me, put her hands on my stomach and began to pray that my baby could be saved from my sins, then told me that I should change my sinful ways and save my child. While this may seem harmless, it was very offensive and demeaning to me; nobody should be told that their way of living is wrong and needs to be changed just because they are different.

Incidents such as these diminish equity because nobody deserves to be thought of as less of a person because they do not share the same views as somebody else. I have accepted the fact that I live in a society where my religious views are not the norm and that my calendar is organized around this, but I do not accept people trying to push their views on me. To me, this is demeaning because I am not less of a person than anyone else is because of my private, religious beliefs. In order for greater equity to occur, people need to be more tolerant and accepting of other’s religious views; it saddens me when I hear about people targeted for their religious beliefs and that violence that occurs over differences in religion. My experiences with people's biases and prejudices against my religious views have taught me to be more open minded about others; because of this I have friends from many different religions and love that we all have different ways of looking at life. I believe that religion is something personal and individual so we cannot make broad assumptions about people based on what they do or do not believe in-nor should we think of them as anything less if their views differ than our own. Learning about others, accepting that people all have different beliefs, values, and opinions, and not only tolerating this but respecting it as well is the only way that we can work to achieve equity. Hopefully teaching this to the children that we work with will help shape the next generation to be more accepting and respectful of everyone.