What I Have Learned

Over these last few weeks, I have really learned a lot about what it means to become an anti-bias educator. I have learned that there is so much that shapes a child and his/her family, everyone that steps foot into our classrooms is unique and so we must constantly reflect and think about what we say, how we do things, and what we are teaching to keep up with and respect the diversity within our classrooms. 

One hope that I have when I think about working with children and families from diverse backgrounds is that I can use the knowledge and skills that I have gained from this program and from my colleagues to welcome and embrace all children who step inside my classroom. I have learned a lot over these past few weeks-about society, about education, and about my self-and I hope that I can apply this to support the healthy growth and development of all children, regardless of their backgrounds. In addition, I hope that I can instill the importance of diversity in the children and families that I work with so that a positive message can be passed on.

One goal that I would like to set for the early childhood field is to continue to push for equity,  teach all children that they are wonderful and help push them reach their highest potential. I would like to see the early childhood field continue to grow and support its members by providing training and tools, passing along knowledge and strategies for anti-bias education, and welcoming all families so that we can learn from them. This is not an easy task but if we can all share the knowledge and resources we have gained, then we are making a step in the right direction.

These last eight weeks went by so fast; I can’t believe how far along we are on our journey! I just want to say thank you to my colleagues who have shared their insights and experiences with me. I am grateful for all that you have shared, the knowledge I have gained from you, and the support you have given me. Best wishes to you all, I look forward to seeing you again in the new year!

Start Seeing Diversity: Creating Art

This week we were challenged to create a piece of art that illustrates what we have learned over these past weeks and throughout this program. I chose to write a poem:

As I Start to See Diversity

From the moment we are conceived

We are influenced by the outside and what those around us believe

While we are learning to sit, stand and walk

We are hearing the voices around us talk.

From others’ thoughts, actions and words

Discomforts and biases are taught and heard

We then start school and learn how to read and write our name

But we also learn about others-who is different and who is the same.

We begin watch TV and read books

We may start to see people give us looks

And through this our identities are formed

We learn what is “right” and what is the “norm.”

We may hear that we are worthless or that we are a star

These messages and experiences help shape who we are

We don’t often stop to question what we’ve “known” since birth

Not realizing our internalized oppressions, privileges, and sense of self-worth.

If we don’t take the time to stop, think, and reflect

We don't leave our comfort zone, we are only passing on the messages we unknowingly select

But if we learn to be open and think critically

Then we can learn to value and embrace ourselves and diversity.

The journey we have started is not easy and it is long

But we can find our places and help others belong

We can liberate ourselves and teach our children about diversity, respect, value, and caring

And hopefully one day these will be the messages the whole world is sharing.

Start Seeing Diversity: “You Don’t Need to Say That!”

I have heard many stories from parents about “embarrassing” things that their children have pointed out about other people and in my classroom I’ve had a few curious students ask questions about the diversity that they observe. One story in particular that stands out to me happened about 2 years ago at the preschool I work at. A lady came to visit the 3-year old classroom; she looked as though she was in her early 30s and a large portion of her hair was gray, the rest was black. One of our students, Bea, said “wow, that lady has two-colored hair.” My first response was to nod my head and say “shh” because I did not want to offend the lady. My co-teacher also heard the comment and said “let’s not talk about that now” I think that both of us were at a loss of the correct thing to say; our responses however communicated to Bea that there was something wrong with her observation. She said louder, this time to the visitor “did you know that you have two-colored hair?” My co-teacher said “Bea, you don’t need to say that!” Looking back, I can see that our responses were not the best-but fortunately the lady stepped in.

Our visitor came in front of the class and explained that her hair had started to turn gray when she was in high school and that she could not keep dyeing it so now she had two different shades of hair. Another student piped up and said “but you look like Cruella De Vil!” she smiled and explained that she did have two different colors of hair like Cruella De Vil but she was not like her and that she thought that having black and gray hair was a special part of her.

I was amazed at how the lady handled the situation and my co-teacher and I both thanked her at the end. She told us that she did not mind answering questions and talking about her hair, she knew it was different for people to see and that children were often curious about it; I think that this was really my first lesson in being open about differences and the idea that questions are ok. Hearing this lady’s response made me realize that it is only natural for children to ask questions and that it is our responses that turn the curiosity into a negative experience.

I think that an anti-bias educator would have handled the situation in the way that our visitor did-calmly acknowledge the difference and remind the students that everyone has different colored hair and follow up with a diversity lesson or activity later. It is sometimes hard because the things children say may embarrass us and so our first reaction is to silence them or to tell them that “we don’t say things like that” but this may make the child think that there is something wrong with their observation or the person that they are observing and we are teaching them not to discuss diversity. However, if we learn how to take a deep breath and handle situations and questions matter of factly and with honesty then we are helping support the child’s understanding of diversity and differences.

Start Seeing Diversity: Gender and Sexuality

Two topics related to diversity and identity development in young children that are important to address- but are often not addressed- are gender and sexual orientation. Some people may be uncomfortable about these topics, some may have strong beliefs about the morality of them, and others may not know where to begin, but not addressing them does more harm than good. Young children are aware of the world around them and the messages that it sends, as adults we may often overlook these subtle social messages that children readily pick up on. This past week I paid more attention to things in the media that influence children and was surprised at the number of heterosexist (and/or homophobic) and gender stereotypical messages that they sent.

Most of the books that I picked up at the public library depicted children in a two-parent heterosexual family and while flipping through children’s shows on TV, almost all of the families I saw were made up the same way: a mother, father, and children- all upholding stereotypical gender roles.  Toys and their packaging were a similar story; most toys were gender-specific and advertised as such (dolls for girls, action toys for boys, etc.) in pink and blue packaging. Family games showed pictures of two parents, a mother and father, and their children. I did not see any TV shows or toy/game packaging with same-sex parents and I saw very few library books with diverse families. Children who look at these things are gaining messages-either that their family is not normal and represented (children with same-sex parents) or that their family is normal and right (children with heterosexual parents).

This is really saddening, and worrisome, because there are many children who come from diverse families, which include households of same-sex parents.  For children with same-sex parents, seeing their families represented could help them feel that their families are accepted, and therefore that they are accepted; for children in heterosexual-headed households, seeing other family types can help them become more aware and accepting of other family types. My belief is that as early childhood professionals we need to put our personal beliefs and biases aside to create a welcoming and stable environment that promotes the positive identity development of all children-regardless of their family structure.

Some people believe that early childhood centers should avoid including books that depict gays, lesbians, and same-sex partnered families; this is very upsetting and unfortunate as it is restrictive and excludes quality literature and resources. As early childhood professionals, our goal is to foster healthy development (including identity development) in ALL children; excluding families is sending the message that we are not supportive or accepting of them. If we are including/representing all family types in our classrooms and responding honestly and accurately to children’s questions and comments then we are taking a big step towards promoting tolerance and acceptance and fostering positive identity development in all children. By providing books that depict same-sex partnered parents, we are not teaching sexuality or “promoting” homosexuality, instead we are recognizing that these families exist and are an important part of our community.

Note: This topic is part of the current news here in California; I found this article (Schools must teach more gay, disabled history) earlier this week and thought it was relevant to this topic that we have been discussing! I was extremely disheartened at the comments that objectors were making about this new law, it will be interesting to see when/how it goes into effect.

A Big Thank You!

I cannot believe that we are getting so close to the end of this journey! Each of these classes seem to go by faster and faster…I have learned so much over these past 8 weeks, thanks in part to having such wonderful classmates. Thank you all so much for all of the insights you have shared with me and the support you have given me, I am so thankful to have such amazing colleagues!

Aside from giving my colleagues a big thank you, I wish that the knowledge we gain will help us enrich the lives of the children and families we work with. I hope that the knowledge we have gained will also help us grow professionally and that we can use it and the resources we have found to help us strengthen our programs, foster healthy development in all children, and be successful professionals in our field.

I am looking forward to moving into the specialization courses and hope that I will be in the same classes as many of you and we can continue to share resources, ideas, and knowledge. I would love to keep in touch, you can find me on Facebook or e-mail me through the Walden University class e-mail and I will give you my personal e-mail address.  Best of luck to everyone!!

The Adjourning Phase

Adjourning is the process of saying goodbye, of leaving a group or team of people that you have grown to trust and respect. When we start out in a team, we often don’t know others very well; we go through the introductory or forming stage, and then move on through the other stages of group development (storming, norming, and performing) until it is time for the group to adjourn.

In some situations saying goodbye is easier than others; groups with high-performance and clearly established norms are more difficult to leave than others because they have often made it through all of the stages of group development while some adjourn before really working together. A high-performing group or one with established norms is more likely to have built up trust, respect, and camaraderie with each other-they have worked with each other and therefore may find it harder to adjourn than a group that has not been productive, has been engaged in conflict, or has no trust among its members.

The hardest group that I have left was a group that worked well together-even though our performance wasn’t necessarily the best we became close to each other, had established trust and friendship, and knew and performed our tasks well. We often met outside of our group meeting times and had lunch and discussed things other than our group work; it was fun and we enjoyed each other’s company. This group was a small study group for one of my undergraduate classes-myself and two others-and when the class ended we had a celebratory dinner and vowed to keep in touch. We still talk sometimes but without the bond of the group we are not as close as we once were.

To be honest, I had not really thought about adjourning from this group of colleagues at Walden University and now that I think about it, it makes me sad! I feel that over this past year I have really gotten to know some of my colleagues and enjoy discussing things with them, hearing their perspectives, and receiving their support. When this program is over, I will miss my colleagues even though we have never actually met in person. Hopefully part of our adjourning process will be exchanging contact information because I hope that we will remain in touch and continue to share our ideas and experiences with each other!

I think that adjourning is a necessary stage of teamwork because it gives closure to a project or goal and allows us to move forward. Working with familiar team members is great, but working with new teams and new people can help us grow even more. I think that without the adjourning process we would not really able to do this and so, as sad as it is, we must adjourn and move on. Hopefully we will take what we have learned from our past teams and use these experiences to better our future team/group skills!  

Conflict Resolution

"You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist." – Indira Gandhi

Unfortunately, I experience communication conflicts often with my son’s father (we have been separated since shortly after Jack’s birth); as of now we hardly ever speak to each other and most of our communication is done via email. This saddens me because I wish that we could put our differences aside and focus on what we have that connects us-our son, Jack.

Two strategies that I have learned that have helped me resolve some of the conflicts between us are: (1) knowing when to change the mode of communication-or even leave the conversation for later-and (2) to leave anything that can be perceived as criticism or judgment aside. I have learned that rather than continuing a discussion when he clearly does not agree or want to talk is not effective; now when he shuts down I ask him if he would like to email me or discuss the issue later. This seems to help as it can give us time to think about what we want to say and time for us to cool down and communicate with less anger. The second strategy I found helps me to communicate better with him is to make my statements very neutral and focused on Jack rather than us; I try to stick just to the issue that we are discussing and  try to leave my opinions out and use words that are not accusatory or negative. This strategy also seems to help because I am trying to respect his opinions as Jack’s father rather than putting him on the defense. Ultimately, what I have learned is that I cannot keep going back to what was said or done in the past; I must be able to be open to communicating with him and be willing to accept his perspectives if I want to establish any positive communication interactions with him. Although it has been hard, I have been trying to look at things from his perspective and understand where he is coming from.

Sadly, our communication situation is less than ideal. I would love to be able to discuss parenting issues with him as he does play a role in our son’s life but he has made it clear that he does not wish to talk to me. I am glad to learn about new conflict resolution strategies and nonviolent communication skills but my main problem is how I can effectively communicate with someone who has made it clear he does not want to communicate with me.  I think that this problem can be found in other situations too, including some in the early childhood field such as when parents (or teachers) do not wish to discuss certain topics that may be important…Does anyone have any ideas on how to effectively communicate with someone who does not wish to communicate or who is not reciprocating?